Crazy People on TV

I love watching American Idol. I can’t help it. I try to be above it, but something about the preeminent reality show sucks me in to its vortex of talent and Seacrestery.

Last night was one of my favorite episodes - ever! I have been taping (yes people still tape) the show so that I can fast forward through the judge’s stupid banter blah, but last night Seacrest announces at the top of the show that there will be 2 songs per person and the judges won’t comment until the end. Yay.

So, after all 5 belted out their best version of Neil Diamond, Cresty asks the judges for an impromptu first thoughts. Randy was all dawg this pitchy that.

And Paula was all... well, Paula was crazy.

From MSN TV:

Oh gosh, we've never had to write these things down ... fast enough," she began, shuffling through her note cards. "Jason, first song, I loved hearing your lower register, which we never really hear, um ... ."

And that's where it started going off the rails.

"The second song, I felt like your usual charm wasn't — it was missing for me. It kind of left me a little empty."

Indeed.

All six people on stage, including Seacrest, stared blankly (except Syesha Mercado, who wore the furrowed brow of mystification).

"The two songs," she continued, "made me feel like you're not fighting hard enough to get into the top four."

After a smattering of nervous crowd laughter, Jackson finally broke the tension.

"That was just on the first song," he said sheepishly, pointing up to Castro. "Just on the first one."

Simon Cowell closed his eyes and shook his head, and began to guffaw as Abdul's confusion mounted.

"Oh my god, I thought you — I thought you sang twice!" she said.

She explained that she got confused by looking ahead at the notes for David Cook.

At that point Seacrest, who makes his money by smoothing over situations just such as these, pointed to Abdul, saying: "You're seeing the future, baby!" before cutting her off and throwing to Cowell.

Even Cowell gathered himself to help patch up the moment, patting Abdul on the shoulder and asking, as if to speed things along, "Paula, who was your favorite?"

Her reply: Cook (the same contestant whose performance she supposedly noted as having left her "empty").

Kids, listen to your Auntie Paula when she says DON’T DO DRUGS!

Anyway, we are down to the last 5. I thought I would offer some advice (um…because they need my tone deaf opinion that’s why):

Jason Try singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow again. I really don’t like anything else you do. You also say “morn” with your mouth all contorted. I am sure there is an audience for this, but it bothers me. I do like the dreads.

David A. I just want to pinch your cheeks and put you on a stage at an amusement park. You had me at Imagine . You lost me at Sweet Caroline. Your prime audience wears denim stretchy pants pulled up to her breasts with a white T-shirt tucked snuggly into them, a denim bedazzled jean vest with an “I heart Jesus” pin and some support hose. I am not in this group…yet, so I really don’t get you.

Sayesha Go on girl! You are coming into your own with this whole bluesy vibe. Also, I like your hair choice last night.

Brook I would totally buy your record. I think that you need to stay behind that piano and belt out folksy renditions of my favorite tunes. I seriously wept when you sang Let It Be. I do however think you need to be ballsier. You are way too nice.

David C. You sing to my loins. That is all.