He would have been 21 today.

He would have been 21 today.

As the big sister, I feel that I am robbed of buying the first round of drinks.

I am not so naïve to believe that it really would be the first round of drinks – the kid grew up in small town WI, but this would be legal and this would be with me.

I think I will go out for a drink tonight and toast using his toast…

“Put your bottoms in the air!”

I miss him.

He would have been 21 today.

Tuesday Titter

Green hat.

Impish grin.

"Peace"

Tuesday Titter

You always made me titter. The memories of you still do. They fill me with happiness and keep you close.

20 years ago today you were called Andrew at 12 year old Stuffanie’s suggestion. You had chubby cheeks and pooped all over my white sweater one time.

Thank you for saying “bro” with the extra syllable. I am laughing out loud right now, picturing your chubby cheeks uttering, “I am your Ba- Ro!”

While most people "shuffled" off to Buffalo, you "shoveled" off to Buffalo. I can still see you snuggled between the Grammas in the front seat on our way to St. Germain singing, “You go home and get your panties, I’ll go home and get my scanties and away we’ll go… oh, oh, oh, Off we’re gonna’ Shovel. Shovel off to Buffalo.”

I will toast at my wedding using your, “Put your bottoms in the air!” “Bottoms up!” is overused anyway!

You fished. You lost shoes. You posed for cheesy photos. You gave Dad purpose.

There was nothing more entertaining than listening to you tell a story. Your sound effects were unmatched. Every story had a gun shot or a blast of water even if it didn't need it.

You called your dog Hunter.

You were never ever a slave to fashion… I loved that!

Ozzy’s ass on that sleeveless tee was awesome. The best part was that it was worn to help celebrate Christmas.

Oh, and Fox Racing hats go with everything!

Thanks for hugs. Thanks for letting me call you Drew. Thanks for being responsible. Thanks for your crooked smile. Thanks for making me so proud.

I miss you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Old Hats 12/05

Traditionally there are 4 separate Christmas celebrations in my family. One with Mom. One with Dad. One with Mom's side. One with Dad's side. The perks of a broken home. This usually works in my favor, so it never seemed out of the ordinary. Besides, statistically I am in the majority.

In 2005, our celebration with Dad included a game of poker. Dad raided Drew's hat collection and we all chose our favorites. It is always painfully obvious that he is missing from our celebrations, but that year his memory started becoming a part of things. I am a big dork when it comes to memories and I was inspired to document this bit of cheese. Queenie provided the artwork... she is a dork too.

They all sat around the makeshift table…a couple of crates supporting an old piece of wood.

There was Big Easy, the surly looking one who did not make eye contact very often, for when he did the shine off his glass eye would send a chill up your spine. He was the eldest of the bunch having seen many things in his lifetime – things that would make an ordinary man turn tale and run. He played this game of chance before and he was obviously the favorite to take home the pot.

To his left, perched on an old stump, was Backward Betty. She worried about appearing insecure, so she overcompensated with her patronizing laugh and the money she carelessly threw onto the table. She lit a long cigarette (to appear fancy), and held it until it burned down to a stump. The smoke added to the ambiance, but did nothing for her image.

Mittens was there – a young punk with something to prove. Her name was given to her in the joint (UWSP) because of her habit of lifting items from bars on the seedy side of town. She could take home all of the winnings… but would she be too headstrong?

Sitting next to Mittens was SPS (Saving Private Sarah). She sat with her head down – her tell was the big blue piercing eyes, the windows to her heart. She had the most riding on this game. She was supporting a farm of unicorns in the valley and the price of feed just went up.

The hats inspired the names and we actually called each other them that night. I love it when a spark of light comes back to our family, even if it comes in the form of utter dorkiness.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Mullets and Bubblers

This is a lame way to write a blog, I know…but, I liked this one. Enjoy. Fill it out yourself and let me know the results.

1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?
"With disgust, my mother tore a Bounty paper towel from the roll and handed it to him. "I should just let you bleed to death for terrifying our son like that."Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. It is sitting there begging to be finished.


2. If you stretch out your left arm as far as possible, what are you touching?
Well I had to bend it at a 90 degree angle, but I am touching the coffee table that Shannon snagged from a set at her "cushy" non-profit television job. To be more specific, I am touching a plate with crumbs from my dinner that I finished an hour ago… clean up your plate Stephanie Ann!


3. What's the last program you watched on TV?
A taped (yes I still use the VCR Tivo losers!) episode of Heroes. "Save the cheerleader, save the world!"


4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
8:45pm….actual time = 8:50pm


5. Aside from the computer, what can you hear right now?
Static snoring away. I swear that cat is part old man! It has become so much a part of my background noise I almost don't notice it. Look at him laying there on his back like a dead raccoon bloated on the side of the highway. I love that cat!



6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?
Besides the walks to and from the car…
I was out on our balcony the other day taking pics of the geese and ducks on our pond. They were in this crop circle like pattern… I think plotting to take over the world.



7. What are you wearing?
A black t-shirt and pink, black and brown striped jammie bottoms. Wow, my shirt coordinates with my jammie pants… truly a first!


8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?
I am sure it was my usual erotic Vince Vaughn caper with him whispering little things that make me giggle.

9. When was the last time you laughed?
Um… see number 8. Actually, I laugh a lot. I love it! I just know I am going to be one of those old ladies who says things like, "I laughed so hard I tinkled"… wait, I already say that! I also like to make other people laugh. In my fantasy life I am a brilliant comedian.


10. What's on the walls, in the room you're in right now?
Well, as I look around… I see some bitchin' decorating sense. Man, who made these brave innovative decisions on where to place mismatched artwork, clocks and that window thingy with the vine? I also see a clump of cat fur hovering in the corner near the ceiling…wonder how it got there.

11. Have you seen anything strange lately?
Where I work there is a big parking lot that is shared by a Dairy Queen. Several people use this lot to do their walking. Usually old people with a small vanilla cone in hand. The other day one of the usual walkers had on red pumps… I mean RED. She paired them with some black socks and tan trousers. Maybe she was breaking them in so that she can wear them in a community theatre production of A Chorus Line… hmmm.


12. What's the last film you saw?
I have recently resumed my duties of consuming mass quantities of film. Recently, I have seen Borat, Stranger Than Fiction and A Good Year. Borat – highly recommend! Sasha Baron Cohen is pretty much the ballsiest guy on film. S. T. F. – the Will Ferrell version of the Truman Show career move that Jim Carrey did. I am on the fence about this one. A Good Year – Russell Crowe won me over in this. Go see it.

13. What is your screen saver?
Probably violating all kinds of copyright laws with it, but I have the Gieco gecko holding a cup of tea. I love that little guy and his accent. Give Vince Vaughn that accent and you'd have undoubtedly the perfect man.


14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?
First of all… multi seems kind of extreme. Besides giving a million each to my mom, dad, and sisters… I would purchase an old Victorian home for my mom close to the Twin Cities (selfish, I know) and renovate it complete with a decked out office so she can write steamy romance novels. She would also need a car to visit me on the weekends… a red mustang convertible. I would buy my dad a hobby farm with parts of it run down so he has something to occupy his time since he will HAVE to quit his job because the farm is close to the Twin Cities. Also, a truck of some kind so he can visit me on weekends. I would pay for Sarah to study Computer Animation and also to study fine art in Italy. I would arrange for Shannon an apprenticeship with Tim Burton and probably a trip to London, cuz if she is reading this she is jealous Sarah is going to Italy. And last, I would give a grant to CaringBridge that specifies it is used for purchasing computers for all hospitals that promote it… I would also selfishly want a plaque at each one proclaiming my generosity.

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don't know.
I had a mullet when I was a kid. There I said it. I don't think this is a terrible thing since it was the 80s and most of the population adopted this party in the back hairdo.


16. What event shaped your life the most?
Wow… this is one of those questions that really makes you dig deep. I think I am going to go with my brother's death. I have been jarred out of my thinking that I have all the time in the world. I made the decision to quit my job so that I can live my life a little more because of that. And I do appreciate my family more. Unfortunately this event also shaped the cynical look on everything that I have. I miss him terribly and am angry that he is gone!

17. Do you like dancing?
I like the night life. I like to boogie.


18. George Bush?
Wait, are you asking me if I like him as a person or as the president? Oh, never mind… the answer is the same.

19. Bubbler or water fountain?
Bubblers are for drinking… water fountains are for throwing pennies and making wishes!


20. What is the best dream you ever had?
I love this question because I get to talk about my brother again. I have had several delicious glimpses of him in my dreams, but one stands out… I am nailing together a baby cradle and am able to put together the frame with no problems. When I try to put a bottom in it, I notice I have run out of wood. This is the most devastating thing to me for some reason. I begin to sob and bury my face in my hands. Then, I get a tap on my shoulder. When I turn my head Andrew is standing there with a big, comforting smile. He walks over to the cradle and puts his arms under it. I woke up with tear stained cheeks and this feeling of peace… it was the BEST!