Monday, November 27, 2006
Weddings and Funerals
There have been too many times where my life can be described as a rollercoaster. I wrote about a couple of instances and found them recently cleaning out some old files. Friendly disclaimer to my sisters: one will make you laugh… one will make you cry (sorry pals).
On buying a dress: I went from a blissful state of sleep, the kind where your hands are soaked with drool; your pillow has left its creases on the folds of your cheek and Vince Vaughn has just proposed marriage
-to-
Flipping off the intrusive alarm clock that turned Vince's head into a foghorn just when he was about to kiss me
-to-
Hitting the snooze button thus squelching the alarm for the idiotic 9 minute length of time the geniuses at the alarm clock company seem to think will do
-to-
Getting back to blissful 9 minute slumber… this time Vince is a pirate
-to-
His head turning into a foghorn again
-to-
Being annoyed at having to face the dull reality of my morning routine
-to-
Coming alive in the shower as an orgasmic rush of hot water falls over my head and the scent of my coconut milk and honey shower gel harkens memories of vacations in Hawaii (insert hints of sarcasm)
-to-
Smelling the latest 'gift' left by Static in the litter box… bury your crap young man!
-to-
Pushing my rolls into some hugger me tummies and a balconette while trying to avoid looking directly into the mirror.
-to-
Being elated that I am actually having a good hair day
-to-
Getting toothpaste on my shirt
-to-
Struggling to find a replacement shirt that meets the standard requirements for comfort, roll hiding and eye complimenting color
-to-
Meeting the rain as Shannon and I run to the car
-to-
Belting out every word to Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard
-to-
Sobbing out every word to She Talks to Angels
-to-
Politely (and in a quiet concerned tone) reminding Shannon to look out for a car that is threatening to cut us off (Shannon may describe this differently)
-to-
Arguing with Shannon
-to-
Frustration over driving around and around looking for a spot to park
-to-
Elation over finding a perfect spot near the door…sorry handicapped people (just kidding)
-to-
Hives building up at the prospect of going into a mall and running through the rain
-to-
Nerve calming bliss as a cup of Caribou Americana warms my hands and throat
-to-
Getting coffee on my shirt
-to-
Utter disgust at each glimpse of each outfit in each store in each 360 degree mirror in each poorly lit dressing room
-to-
Over exaggerating my gut so that Shannon can see how bad each dress really looks
-to-
Laughing at Shannon's Chris Farley doing the jig impersonation
-to-
Being excited over the perfect purple capris Shannon found
-to-
Being proud that I didn't buy a pair of white capris that I didn't need for the occasion we were shopping for
-to-
Being remorseful over the tanks I did buy that I didn't need for the occasion we were shopping for
-to-
Leaving the mall without a dress for the wedding of a YOUNGER cousin and feeling like a failure -to-
Laughing in the dark at the movie
-to-
Devouring monster handfuls of popcorn
-to-
Getting butter on my shirt
-to-
Chatting the movie up on the way home feeling all scholarly as point after point uses big words
-to-
Anticipation for a night with pirates and Vince Vaughn
I went to Wisconsin in late 2005 for my stepbrother's funeral and on that day paid homage to my emotional rollercoaster. Seriously, on that day I went from laughing about a funny story a customer relayed to me about their grandmother who has breast cancer
– to –
reprimanding a volunteer for allowing a person to request donations on their site
– to –
singing to the Mamas and the Papas in a Ford Escape driving to WI
– to –
being annoyed at the driver for not taking the route I suggested
– to –
worrying that we may not meet up with the rest of the funeral goers at Wal - Mart on time – to –
being overjoyed at seeing my dad (who looked spiffy in his black faux suede shirt)
– to –
being reminded that this was the place that held my baby brother for a time not too long ago
– to –
being amazed by a woman's strength to stand after going through the death of two of her children
– to –
being impressed by a man who was comforting me when he should be falling apart himself
– to –
remembering a time when all of this broken family was whole and we had fun together
– to –
laughing about the dough covered in cinnamon being called "pizza freaks"
– to –
looking at aunt Ro's hands and remembering a Great Grandma that had the exact same hands
– to -
being sad that I have to leave my dad and sis to drive home to MN
– to –
stopping on the side of a country road and marveling at what nature created for us that night (the aurora borealis)
– to –
lying in my bed and taking the biggest hill of the rollercoaster as my emotions plummeted to the pillow in a pool of tears.
On buying a dress: I went from a blissful state of sleep, the kind where your hands are soaked with drool; your pillow has left its creases on the folds of your cheek and Vince Vaughn has just proposed marriage
-to-
Flipping off the intrusive alarm clock that turned Vince's head into a foghorn just when he was about to kiss me
-to-
Hitting the snooze button thus squelching the alarm for the idiotic 9 minute length of time the geniuses at the alarm clock company seem to think will do
-to-
Getting back to blissful 9 minute slumber… this time Vince is a pirate
-to-
His head turning into a foghorn again
-to-
Being annoyed at having to face the dull reality of my morning routine
-to-
Coming alive in the shower as an orgasmic rush of hot water falls over my head and the scent of my coconut milk and honey shower gel harkens memories of vacations in Hawaii (insert hints of sarcasm)
-to-
Smelling the latest 'gift' left by Static in the litter box… bury your crap young man!
-to-
Pushing my rolls into some hugger me tummies and a balconette while trying to avoid looking directly into the mirror.
-to-
Being elated that I am actually having a good hair day
-to-
Getting toothpaste on my shirt
-to-
Struggling to find a replacement shirt that meets the standard requirements for comfort, roll hiding and eye complimenting color
-to-
Meeting the rain as Shannon and I run to the car
-to-
Belting out every word to Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard
-to-
Sobbing out every word to She Talks to Angels
-to-
Politely (and in a quiet concerned tone) reminding Shannon to look out for a car that is threatening to cut us off (Shannon may describe this differently)
-to-
Arguing with Shannon
-to-
Frustration over driving around and around looking for a spot to park
-to-
Elation over finding a perfect spot near the door…sorry handicapped people (just kidding)
-to-
Hives building up at the prospect of going into a mall and running through the rain
-to-
Nerve calming bliss as a cup of Caribou Americana warms my hands and throat
-to-
Getting coffee on my shirt
-to-
Utter disgust at each glimpse of each outfit in each store in each 360 degree mirror in each poorly lit dressing room
-to-
Over exaggerating my gut so that Shannon can see how bad each dress really looks
-to-
Laughing at Shannon's Chris Farley doing the jig impersonation
-to-
Being excited over the perfect purple capris Shannon found
-to-
Being proud that I didn't buy a pair of white capris that I didn't need for the occasion we were shopping for
-to-
Being remorseful over the tanks I did buy that I didn't need for the occasion we were shopping for
-to-
Leaving the mall without a dress for the wedding of a YOUNGER cousin and feeling like a failure -to-
Laughing in the dark at the movie
-to-
Devouring monster handfuls of popcorn
-to-
Getting butter on my shirt
-to-
Chatting the movie up on the way home feeling all scholarly as point after point uses big words
-to-
Anticipation for a night with pirates and Vince Vaughn
I went to Wisconsin in late 2005 for my stepbrother's funeral and on that day paid homage to my emotional rollercoaster. Seriously, on that day I went from laughing about a funny story a customer relayed to me about their grandmother who has breast cancer
– to –
reprimanding a volunteer for allowing a person to request donations on their site
– to –
singing to the Mamas and the Papas in a Ford Escape driving to WI
– to –
being annoyed at the driver for not taking the route I suggested
– to –
worrying that we may not meet up with the rest of the funeral goers at Wal - Mart on time – to –
being overjoyed at seeing my dad (who looked spiffy in his black faux suede shirt)
– to –
being reminded that this was the place that held my baby brother for a time not too long ago
– to –
being amazed by a woman's strength to stand after going through the death of two of her children
– to –
being impressed by a man who was comforting me when he should be falling apart himself
– to –
remembering a time when all of this broken family was whole and we had fun together
– to –
laughing about the dough covered in cinnamon being called "pizza freaks"
– to –
looking at aunt Ro's hands and remembering a Great Grandma that had the exact same hands
– to -
being sad that I have to leave my dad and sis to drive home to MN
– to –
stopping on the side of a country road and marveling at what nature created for us that night (the aurora borealis)
– to –
lying in my bed and taking the biggest hill of the rollercoaster as my emotions plummeted to the pillow in a pool of tears.
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