Dells Wisconsin: the off-season (part 1)
When my sibs and I came up with the idea to plop our behinds smack in the middle of the tourist trap of Wisconsin, we didn't really have an agenda.
All we knew for sure was:
-super scary movie on Friday the 13th
-cheesy tourist pictures
-bickering about something
-snoring, passing gas(um, hi JMan...welcome to the family)
-mass quantities of wine would make an appearance
Our first plan, super scary movie on Friday the 13th - Disturbia, went like this:
After some amazing sleuthing by the JMan and Beaner we conclude the only theatre in the area is actually 10 minutes away from our hotel. Queenie and I had just arrived, so we needed tochange out of our travel clothes throw a sweatshirt on and refresh the pit spray. This bit of primping made us just the right amount of late.
Ticket Guy: I am sorry you had to wait in the long line because we are the only theatre in the entire Dell’s area and it is the off-season and I am only 1 of 2 ticket guys, but you are actually too late to get seats that are next to each other. Also, this is a giant screen with stadium seating and the only seats are the ones that you need to be nearly reclined. Oh yeah, did I mention your nose may bleed and your eyeballs may dry out from the proximity of the giant screen?
ME: Guys, would you prefer taking the chance we may end up sitting next to the assholes behind us that have some issues with their bodily functions which was made apparent the whole freakin’ time we were in line…or, would you like to come back tomorrow?
Guys: Let’s wait until tomorrow. Let’s go drink.
Forward to Saturday evening…
Ticket Guy: I am sorry you had to wait in the long line because we are the only theatre in the entire Dell’s area and it is the off-season and I am only 1 of 1 ticket guys, but I cannot sell you tickets to the movie because the projector broke. Our manager, Skinny-Too-Young-To-Be-In-Charge, is busy fixing it and you can step to the side to wait with these other folks that are naïve enough to believe they may actually get to see the movie today.
ME: You have got to be kidding me.
Guys: You have got to be kidding me.
Other naïve people stepped to the side: You have got to be kidding me.
Other people in line behind us: One ticket to ANYTHING but Disturbia.
After 20 minutes of seeing joyful ticket toting patrons making their way to the popcorn, we see Skinny-Too-Young-To-Be-In-Charge. She makes her way to the lone ticket taker.
ME: Can we get our tickets to Disturbia now?
Other people in line behind us: well they really didn’t say anything, but I could feel them forming a lynch mob to burn me at the stake for budging in line.
S-T-Y-B-I-C: The movie actually started about ten minutes ago.
ME: Um, what?
S-T-Y-B-I-C: I had to rewind the whole big film all by my widdle self...sniff...it was bery scawy and I couldn’t tell the lone ticket guy that he could sell tickets...sniff...cuz I would have had to make a big girl decision and use the walkee talkee thing. I did my bery bery best.
ME: Oh Hell no.
Guys: Oh Hell no.
See if this theatre ever gets my business again.
Watch us leave in a huff… you’ll be sorry!
So, no Disturbia.
We did spend Saturday trolling the shops for some trinkets. Since none of us were in the market for ashtrays made of seashells or a tomahawk, we made do trying on some hats:
Beaner enjoyed this red and white number. She was feeling her school pride...
"three cheers for WEGA and the RED and WHITE... HOO RAH RAH... Y-O-WEGA...HOO RAH RAH"
All we knew for sure was:
-super scary movie on Friday the 13th
-cheesy tourist pictures
-bickering about something
-snoring, passing gas(um, hi JMan...welcome to the family)
-mass quantities of wine would make an appearance
Our first plan, super scary movie on Friday the 13th - Disturbia, went like this:
After some amazing sleuthing by the JMan and Beaner we conclude the only theatre in the area is actually 10 minutes away from our hotel. Queenie and I had just arrived, so we needed to
Ticket Guy: I am sorry you had to wait in the long line because we are the only theatre in the entire Dell’s area and it is the off-season and I am only 1 of 2 ticket guys, but you are actually too late to get seats that are next to each other. Also, this is a giant screen with stadium seating and the only seats are the ones that you need to be nearly reclined. Oh yeah, did I mention your nose may bleed and your eyeballs may dry out from the proximity of the giant screen?
ME: Guys, would you prefer taking the chance we may end up sitting next to the assholes behind us that have some issues with their bodily functions which was made apparent the whole freakin’ time we were in line…or, would you like to come back tomorrow?
Guys: Let’s wait until tomorrow. Let’s go drink.
Forward to Saturday evening…
Ticket Guy: I am sorry you had to wait in the long line because we are the only theatre in the entire Dell’s area and it is the off-season and I am only 1 of 1 ticket guys, but I cannot sell you tickets to the movie because the projector broke. Our manager, Skinny-Too-Young-To-Be-In-Charge, is busy fixing it and you can step to the side to wait with these other folks that are naïve enough to believe they may actually get to see the movie today.
ME: You have got to be kidding me.
Guys: You have got to be kidding me.
Other naïve people stepped to the side: You have got to be kidding me.
Other people in line behind us: One ticket to ANYTHING but Disturbia.
After 20 minutes of seeing joyful ticket toting patrons making their way to the popcorn, we see Skinny-Too-Young-To-Be-In-Charge. She makes her way to the lone ticket taker.
ME: Can we get our tickets to Disturbia now?
Other people in line behind us: well they really didn’t say anything, but I could feel them forming a lynch mob to burn me at the stake for budging in line.
S-T-Y-B-I-C: The movie actually started about ten minutes ago.
ME: Um, what?
S-T-Y-B-I-C: I had to rewind the whole big film all by my widdle self...sniff...it was bery scawy and I couldn’t tell the lone ticket guy that he could sell tickets...sniff...cuz I would have had to make a big girl decision and use the walkee talkee thing. I did my bery bery best.
ME: Oh Hell no.
Guys: Oh Hell no.
See if this theatre ever gets my business again.
Watch us leave in a huff… you’ll be sorry!
So, no Disturbia.
We did spend Saturday trolling the shops for some trinkets. Since none of us were in the market for ashtrays made of seashells or a tomahawk, we made do trying on some hats:
Beaner enjoyed this red and white number. She was feeling her school pride...
"three cheers for WEGA and the RED and WHITE... HOO RAH RAH... Y-O-WEGA...HOO RAH RAH"
Meanwhile, the JMan sported this little number...
"What have I gotten myself into? These chicks are crazy."
Queenie loved her lampshade/retirement-at-golf-course hat...
"This one time at BINGO... I was so wasted!"
Pretending to be above all this...
"Thanks Q for photoshopping my 'stache"
Don't worry blog fans family, I have a whole lotta adventures and pictures yet to come from that crazy weekend... Oh, Stuff you tease.
1 comment:
Oh Stuffanie, I love you, you make me laugh so hard. I know what you mean about stybic, I hated her upon reading that blog. Love the pictures although I knew which one was you even though you had the glasses on hiding your identity. You so need to come out of your shell and join in the fun.!!! Love Mom
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