Which is louder... Pink or Gossip?

Our office recently installed Pink Noise. I put together a mini FAQ to help explain what the flip Pink Noise is and why it was installed.

Is that the air conditioning? Are we on the tarmac waiting to go to some far off destination? Are my ears plugged?

No, No and I am not a doctor. What you are hearing, is the addition of Pink Noise.

Pink Noise? What is Pink Noise?

Well, the company felt we needed some added privacy in the cubicle area. Pink noise is piped through little devices in the ceiling to help mask conversations since it runs on the same frequency as human voice. This addition will be helpful for phone calls and things (things in this instance are gossip sessions and private conversations about gynecological exams). From now on your gossiping will only sound like mumbles to those in the next cube.

So, this Pink Noise… does it have to be this flippin’ loud?

Yes, for three days the folks at the Pink Noise company would like us to try to acclimate ourselves to this level of noise to see if it will just blend in to the rest of the noises in the office. If it is too loud, they can turn it down. Or, they can turn it up if it is not loud enough (in other words, if you can still hear coworkers chattin’ it up about their kids blah, husbands blah fab life blahtety blah).

Will there be ibuprofen available if this Pink Noise fails to "blend in" for me?

Of course! We have the 500 count vat of ibuprofen in the supply closet. It was purchased shortly after you started working here. (note from Stuffanie: this is an odd coincendence that neither I nor my neurosis has gotten over).

Was my gossiping about the tampons in the bathroom the reason for this new addition?

Yes, we grew tired of hearing the hard‘t’ when you pronounced tampon. This way when you feel the need to chatter about feminine products it will sound more like, "mmmpon".