We interrupt this movie with a chorus of La Cucaracha

There was a time when I would condemn people who use cell phones in public. I would roll my eyes at them and blame all of the world’s problems on their bad habit. The elevated gas prices had to be caused by InconsiderateTeen on her cell phone rambling on about DeadBeatBoyfriend in the next aisle at Target when I was trying to buy ultra-thin panty liners and a new toothbrush. I was convinced the reason W got reelected was in direct correlation to ErraticDriverOnCellPhone Man. Don’t even get me started on DrunkPictureTaking Girl… I never actually proved it, but I was sure she had something to do with Katrina.

I loathed these people so much that I would go out of my way to grunt and glare at them so that they felt my disdain. A pox on your house cell phone losers!

Okay... Okay...I shouldn't have been so hard on them. I have recently become one of them.

I will take my share of those pox now…

I have become a person who takes phone calls in the middle of the store. While I am squeezing melons in the middle of the grocery store (heehee I said, “squeezing melons”), I am balancing my sleek, sophisticated, black Katana picture phone on my shoulder. I also drive while making calls…which I have to admit is a true time saver.

I have developed a small love affair with this phone. I get a little jolt of joy when I hear the sound it makes when it closes. I love the attention I get from just having it. I can fit it into my wallet because it is so incredibly sleek and sophisticated. I feel the need to capture dorky images of everyone I meet just to match it up with their number. It is also very handy to have this camera on my person… I have used it on these occasions for example.

Even though I have changed my habits and have started to accept those around me, I still will never ever ever use my sleek, sophisticated, black Katana picture phone in a movie theater. EVER. I will heed the 80 bazillion reminders that appear on the screen before my favorite flick… this I swear as Scorsese is my witness.

I will also continue to pox the houses of the LOSERS that can’t grasp the concept of “please silence your cell phone” Nothing piques my temper more than a chorus of La Cucaracha coming from a phone in the middle of my 9 dollar movie. Actually, I take that back, there is one thing that is worse… the bastards who answer them.

I recently had a small debate with a friend on this subject. She took the side of those who answer cell phones in the theater. Her argument was based on the single mother out on a date who needs to be available in case of an emergency. Fine, good point…but what did she ever do before the cell phone? Why is she dating if she can’t trust her babysitter and the list of emergency contact numbers she provided? Maybe she needs a more reliable babysitter and a lesson on letting it go to voicemail. Maybe she needs me to open a big ol’ can of whoop-ass.

I'll do it too, but someone has to hold my sleek, sophisticated, black Katana picture phone. I wouldn't want to damage it.